Wrapping my head around things.

I write this blog entry this week in the hope that as I type, God will help me center my mind.  This week I have attended two visitations and one funeral. The funeral being for a young girl killed in a tragic auto accident in my former community. In each of these celebration of life events, I saw families and communities come together in unprecedented ways.

Two days ago, I received the message that my estranged eldest brother living in California, had a stroke and fell striking his head. He is brain dead, waiting for his children to arrive prior to his being allowed to pass away as equipment is turned off.

I mourn those who lost dear loved ones this week, and I celebrate the love that these families had for one another in life and in death. But how do I wrap my head around my brother’s death, how do I wrap my head around a brother who did vile and evil things in his life? How do I wrap my head around those that he hurt, those that he wounded? How do I wrap my head around the hurt and ceasing of relationship that occurred in our family relationship with him?

Do I mourn his death? Truly I struggle with this as I celebrate for those that he hurt in this life, those that will never have to think about him again in the word “living”. As a minister of the Gospel I am often asked if certain people are in heaven or in hell, and in the case of my eldest brother, I would lean more to his being in hell. At the end of the day, this is God's choice and never mine.

What do I mourn of my brother? I mourn the brother that loved and protected me as a child. (there are all too few of these memories).  I mourn for my mother in the fact that my brother will always be her child, and you cannot break a mother’s love. I mourn for his wife and children, and I mourn for the relationship that they should have had with him and he with them. I mourn for my brothers and sisters who should have had an older brother to look up to, and older brother that could have been our mentor and not our enemy.

My only solace, and my only hope in this life is that before his death, an opportunity came before him to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. My prayer was that he was able to come before Jesus as ask for forgiveness and to seek repentance. If this occurred, then I will see a new older brother in heaven. Yes, the only hope that I have in my life is Jesus Crucified, Resurrected and Coming Back!

This week, I observed love, relationship, and many coming together in the love and grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

So, as I wrap my head around this week, I continue to place my everything at the foot of the cross as I fall into the loving arms of my Savior. My prayer is that we all be present in His name for all that have lost loved ones, and that when families and communities come together the name of Jesus is proclaimed and that His love for others is the true witness and the true constant.

Psalm 34:18-19 English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁸ The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

My hope is based on nothing less than Jesus Christ and His righteousness.

Pastor Tim.